


Celebrations, Arkham-style

by crookedspoon



Series: Feed Me, Also, River God [22]
Category: Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Arkham Asylum, Celebrations, Collection: Purimgifts Day 1, Ensemble Cast, F/M, Gen, Purim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-02-27
Packaged: 2018-03-15 13:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3448493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For once, Harley Quinn didn't struggle when Batman caught up with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Celebrations, Arkham-style

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WildAndFreeHearts](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildAndFreeHearts/gifts).



A couple of hours ago, Batman had received a distress call from Arkham, informing him of Harley Quinn's escape. The warden was baffled as to why she would break out. She had fought so hard to get permission to decorate the community area for a little celebration today, he said.

Batman had a theory: The distraction would provide her with ample opportunity to get away.

Following every lead regarding her whereabouts, he still arrived too late at each location she'd been spotted. And that although she made it easy for him, wearing her costume, so most Gothamites would recognize her. He wondered about her intentions. She hit every major shopping mall, and some of the smaller shops, too, but none reported anything missing.

When he did catch up with her, she seemed not at all put off.

"Heya, B-man. I was wondering when you'd show up."

"What's with all the boxes, Quinn?"

"They're presents. For my friends at Arkham. And before ya accuse me of anything, I'll have ya know I bought 'em all fair and square. So there's nothing ya can do about it."

"What's the occasion?"

"You've got a calendar, B-man. Or does your big bat computer not cover Jewish traditions?"

"I didn't know you observed Purim." The warden hadn't mentioned that.

"How could I not? I grew up in Brooklyn. Y'should try it too some time. Or suggest it to your friend Wayne. I'm sure he'd jump at the opportunity for another fundraiser."

"Before I consider any of that, I'll still have to escort you back to Arkham."

"I was hoping ya'd say that," she twirled and scooped up her presents.

He let her carry the boxes herself. If she could sneak out of Arkham and inconvenience everyone on the way just to procure them, he didn't need to provide bellboy services as well. It was enough that he agreed to playing chauffeur. Plus, he was being lenient just by letting her keep them. Unless they proved to contain something potentially harmful, he had no reason to take them away. His detective vision assured him they were simple toys. Still, he would need to stay on alert until he'd seen them all unpacked.

She didn't complain – rather, she seemed to have fun balancing the pile.

Back at Arkham, she wasn't received with the good cheer she had hoped for.

"Why aren't you celebrating?" she asked, disappointed that everyone was sitting around in a gloom beneath colorful streamers. Batman was surprised to see most inmates out of their orange jumpsuits and instead wearing their costumes – another courtesy Quinn had won from the staff.

"We thought you'd ditched us," Poison Ivy said, running up to Quinn to inspect her for injuries.

"Leaving us to care for the decorations to go gallivanting yourself," Penguin sniffed. "How typical of you."

"Oh, shut up, bird-brain. Unless ya don't want the present I got ya." She tossed him a long cylindrical box. It contained a pink Hello Piggy umbrella. Penguin blinked like an owl, unsure whether this was a joke or not. With Quinn, it could be either.

She distributed the other presents in kind:

A game of Trivial Pursuit for the Riddler. "Since Mr. J appropriated so many of the cards."

An Alice in Wonderland doll for Mad Hatter. "Sorry I couldn't find you the real deal. Though I doubt the guards would've let ya keep her."

A bat-shaped chew toy for Croc. "B-man even let me keep it, so he approves."

A children's chemistry set for Scarecrow. "I'm sure it's safe enough so ya won't blow us up."

Cough drops and a sock puppet for the Ventriloquist. "Maybe Scarface'd like to abuse someone else once in a while."

A gardening kit for Ivy. "These chilis reminded me of you. Y'know – red and hot."

The Joker looked uncharacteristically disappointed when Quinn was done handing out the presents.

"Don't you have anything for your pumpkin pie?" he asked.

"But, puddin'. I've got a very special present for ya: me!"

The Joker's face fell. "How lovely..."

"Just kiddin'!" she chirped and mashed a pie into his face.

Batman leaped into action, ready to lunge at the Joker and prevent the mayhem he was likely to create. The Joker, however, did not act as Batman would have expected him to. He merely tasted a bit of the pastry and laughed like the maniac he was.

"Ha! Aren't you the sweetest, my little Harley-pie? I'm so glad you didn't bake this one yourself."

Quinn squeaked and kissed him full on his cream-covered lips.

Not wanting to get between their little show of affection, Batman thought it was safe to leave. All was well at Arkham tonight.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Celebrations, Arkham-Style](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5599054) by [RsCreighton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RsCreighton/pseuds/RsCreighton)




End file.
